I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
