someone threw a dead crab at me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
