That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
