I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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