Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
