I think my vagina is haunted
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
