non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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