Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
