you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize