Quick, to the slutcave!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
