Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize