Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
