we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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