i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
