I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
