I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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