She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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