Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
