Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
