Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
