i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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