i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
