I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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