i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
