I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize