Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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