remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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