Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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