I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
