what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
