My underwear smells like fireworks.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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