You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
