He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
