eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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