you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
