My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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