You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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