I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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