Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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