You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
