in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
