No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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