i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
