Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
