Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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