dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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