Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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