they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
