I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
