you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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