I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
