Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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