You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
