ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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