dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
