meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
