Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
