If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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