I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
