I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
