You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
