Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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