Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Are we still banned from the library?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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