There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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