Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
