I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
