I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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