Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
