threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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