Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
