I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
