I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
